”If he gives into his natural feeling for cosmic dependence, the desire to be a part of something bigger, it puts him at peace and at oneness, gives him a sense of self-expansion in a larger beyond, and so heightens his being, giving him truly a feeling of transcendent value… He can expand his self feeling not only by [this] Agape merger but also by the other ontological motive Eros, the urge for more life, for exciting experience, for the development of self powers, for developing the uniqueness of the individual creature, the impulsion to stick out of nature and shine… it is the urge for individuation: how do I realize my distinctive gifts, make my own contribution to the world through my own self-expansion?

Now we see what we might call the ontological or creature tragedy that is so particular to man: if he gives into Agape he risks failing to develop himself, his active contribution to the rest of life. If he expands Eros too much he risks cutting himself off from natural dependency, from duty to a larger creation.”

— Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death

Hey,

I hope these words find you alive and kicking in these crazy times.

I’m in a particularly interesting headspace tonight, on the tail end of a mad dash about the country shooting real estate photography that gifted me a dozen hours of flight time to finally stick my head into the highlights of one of the best and most intense books I have ever read: The Denial of Death.

Counting them up just now, I penned a whopping eighty-three passages from the book onto index cards for my commonplace book. The result of such immersion was both a penetrative look and bird’s eye view of the general psychological setup of us human beings, a clearer picture than I’ve ever had of why we do what we do, and some specific insights into my near death experience at sixteen and its unexpectedly wondrous effects. In short, flying with the highlights of this book was a life-quaking experience. I figured I’d pluck one of my favorite index cards from the stack and share it with you (the quote atop this letter) and a profound perspective that’s grown from it.

At the heart of all humans lies a grand paradox: we are simultaneously one with all things and separate from them. We are inextricably of, woven into mystifying relation with, and on some level, are all that surrounds us. Yet, we are also unique, individual beings, five-sense-separated and experientially differentiated from all others.

As paradoxes are inherently illogical and the slipperiest of grasps, we often only engage with half of this duality. As primed to by our culture, we most often experience ourselves as the separate half of this duality. At its raddest, if we focus on the separate half of the grand paradox at the heart of each of us, we can seek to align ourselves with and develop the “Eros” side of the above quote:

“the urge for more life, for exciting experience, for the development of self powers, for developing the uniqueness of the individual creature, the impulsion to stick out of nature and shine… it is the urge for individuation: how do I realize my distinctive gifts, make my own contribution to the world through my own self-expansion?”

This is grand stuff. But what many of us today don’t perceive is the other half of the duality: that “natural feeling for cosmic dependence,” “part of something bigger,” and “sense of self-expansion” that puts us “at peace and at oneness” and gives “a feeling of transcendent value.” Perhaps we intellectually grasp this, but rarely do we actually see and experience reality in this way. That’s how it long was for me at least. However, throughout this grand journey traveling about, reading piles of books, and groping about the unknown for something I felt missing but hadn’t the slightest idea of what over the past eight or nine years, I have stumbled my way into increasingly palpable connection with the larger half of this duality, and this has also been incredibly rad.

While airborne this weekend, though, writing that above quote onto an index card took the understanding a step further. You see, I’ve run into a bunch of remarkable humans who particularly embody one half of this human paradox. Some have awed me with how deeply they sense themselves one with it all — they often move slower, notice more, and relish in relation to the ever-swirling kaleidoscopic miracle of all that is and surrounds (hippies, artists, yogis, toddlers, organic farmers, etc.). Others are much more wrapped up in themselves and these truly remarkable, life-affirming pursuits— they live bold and hard, strive for greatness, and do way more, leading super rad lives (athletes, adventures, journalists, entrepreneurs, the badasses of the world, etc.).

Both ways have always felt like separate paths to me. To follow one path seemed to leave the other. However, this quote illuminated that it is not only possible to live with a figurative foot on both sides of the duality at the heart of each of us, but that by cultivating and deepening the practice with both, we can play around with it all, and perhaps over time, achieve balance.

The question is this: can you both find and lose yourself? Cast your awareness wide while you’re digging deep? And most challenging of all: not just seesaw back and forth, but be simultaneously expansive and totally rad, balancing the grand paradox?

I’ve a ways to go! But the attempt seems both the most sensical and fun thing in the world to me.

Til next month!

With love & stoke,

Ethan

Spiritually Expansive

This is the rough transcript of a phone conversation I had walking around Phoenix one night this February with good friend and fellow wonderwanderer, Dan, about casting our awareness wider and cultivating “spiritual expansiveness.”

It’s a sort of guest post on danscreativeoutlet. As Dan is one of the more sage-like people I have ever interacted with in person, I’m honored that our conversation became a post on his site!

Read On >

Refreshed Homepage

I’ve long felt the homepage could use a little refresher. This February I added some new imagery (I took the above shot atop Thorong La, the 17,769ft pass that marks the high point of the Annapurna Circuit in Himalayas), dropped the “wonderer, wanderer, writer” label for a new “stoke & strategy for living life” subtitle, and built a permanent WONDER WANDER intro into the mix. Ya dig?

Dig It >